What
the New York City blackout of 2003 taught me
You know what I kept thinking as I watched
the great masses of people snake out of the city on that hot
day in August 2003? I kept thinking: wow, if only somehow
all that foot-tramping energy could be harnessed, imagine
how much electricity that would generate! Considering this
further, I came to see that New Yorkers owe more to their
city and the rest of the country than they currently contribute.
In fact, New York itself seems to be engineered around letting
people live as lazily as possible while the rest of the country
pours resources into it. New York seems sort of like a black
hole on the far end of production, swallowing everything the
rest of us make and then shouting at us when their power blinks
out for a little while. In an opposite--but not inappropriate--
analogy, New York is always getting a blow job while it never
even offers to give head. I am writing to tell New York that
it is time to suck it up.
Tom
Gilmore's Blackout tale features only Heroes...
"I noted a man in a motorized wheelchair
crossing the Williamsburg Bridge with hundreds of pedestrians.
Now of course this guy's chair can go way the fuck faster
than someone walking. In normal times, people would
have formed a blockade. But something extraordinary
took over..." |
To begin re-forming the city into a more self-sufficient
center, I suggest we start with the little things. First,
New Yorkers have got to start contributing to this power situation.
Let's look around. Everywhere in the city people are using
power that comes from far away. A few simple ideas could put
power production in the hands of locals while simultanelously
helping New Yorkers get in better physical shape. I mean,
take escalators for instance. I say yank out the escalators
in the subways and install step-machines so that every fat-ass
New Yorker can generate some goddam power as they climb out
of the E-Z tube. They all look like they need a little exercise
anyway.
Another thing is taxis. Why not bicycles? Batteries attached
to bicycles could store the energy produce by pedaling, and
every New Yorker could then be responsible for generating
his/her/it/their own little bits of power, say to fuel all
those little electronic gadgets everyone has. What? You don't
feel like biking today? Fine, you just won't have any electricity
for your dumb GameBoy or cell phone, and, by the way, your
ass is looking a little droopy, so better think twice about
not taking some exercise today, Fat Ass.
For larger corporate consumers, such as CitiBank or NBC,
employees could be expected to produce power on special ``power
breaks'' at the company gym. Other remedies include banning
elevators and air conditioners. Complaints about such measures
may include: ``Gee, I'm too old to climb the stairs'' or ``I'm
too hot in the summer.'' Answers can be found easily: for
the aged, there is no need to climb to high places. You should
have thought of it a long time ago if you were so concerned
about visiting your friends on the 18th floor. (Also: revoke
driver's licenses for the elderly. This has the dual benefit
of minimizing pollution and maximizing road safety) For those
who whine about being too hot: paper fans have been used for
ages to cool the body in hot climes. Fan yourself and not
only will you be cooler, you'll start to work off those bags
of unattractive flesh dangling under your arms.
Suck it up, New York. You may be beautiful, but no relationship
can last if there isn't a little give and take. The rest of
the country is tired of constantly servicing you.
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